Oh, please won’t you tell me why I should give a fuck
Since we’re not having sex and we’re not getting drunk
I don’t want to go out to the pond with you
Or do anything else you want me to do for you
But thanks for the sandwich, and thanks for the drinks
You know, I really don’t care if you care what I think
‘Cause you don’t have the right to my thoughts anymore
And now no one but me knows just quite what a whore you are
So give me your pussy or get out of my face
‘Cause you’re just about as useful as you were in the first place
And it all makes me laugh, ‘cause I don’t think you’d mind
You prob’ly think I feel this way all the time
Well, let me tell you a story about a girl with brown hair
She’s not really that pretty, but she’s sure eager to share
And now I see your mouth moving, and I think I hear noise
Is it a mystery to you that all your friends are boys?
You know, I wasn’t around on the day you were born
But it’s not hard to imagine your cunt was already worn
There’s just no help for it, it’s out of my hands
But you could do us all a favor and fill it with sand
If I went to see a doctor, I know what he’d say
Or at least I can cling to that hope, anyway
But some corny dude already made a song about that
Wherever you go, well that’s not where you’ll find me at
Hey, I think there’s something wrong with the vodka I’ve got
‘Cause it’s supposed to untangle my head, but it’s not
Well, it’s all very simple, you see these are the facts:
If I can’t have you, babe, well it’s not like I want you back
Yeah, and your new boyfriend’s a faggot
Guess I’ll meet him next week
Sends you books about puppies and prob’ly kisses your cheek
Well, if he were here now, I know he’d be sick
When you make it so clear that you’ll take any dick
I don’t deserve you, I know that it’s true
‘Cause I ain’t that kind of sinner, and you’re penance for two
And if you could see around the big nose on your face
You’d see I don’t really love you, I just ate too much paste
So please just ignore me when it seems like I care
Don’t I know there are girls like you just about everywhere
And as soon as I find one, I’ll forget you like that
‘Cause if I can’t have you, babe, well I guess I don’t want you back